Friday, 8 February 2013

All good things come to an end....

I don’t know whether I’m in the midst of a quarter life crisis or whether I’m just beginning to see the silver lining in a very odd and bizarre situation, but I need change. Since May I have poured my life and soul into this blog, spanning from various recipes about my obsession with procrastibaking (fact!), the adventures of delving into the world of beauty (and ruining my bank in the process), or writing things to help motivate me. I have been blessed by some wonderful followers, received some beautiful comments about how inspirational my posts have been and I can’t help but smile. You’ve all made me so happy, but I need to say goodbye.

The thing is, and I’m very open about this because as I said I’m in a very odd situation at the moment, I feel that this blog is just a bad representation of me. That it’s almost fraudulent. It was backed 110% by the man I let into my life, and now he has gone, and now I have realised the lies and pain that he has caused to others other than myself, and how some of my posts were driven by my jealousy and drive to be something more… I just need to let it go.

So it’s with this that I sit here, sipping my coffee, listening to the birds tweeting outside (and wishing it was spring!) that I offer you a big hug, a warm smile, and my lifelong gratitude. A lot of you helped me find the light when I thought all was dark and I can’t repay you enough.

Now, here’s the good news – I’m not going completely. Whilst LiveFoodLove is, from this day forward, a goner, I would like to invite you into my new blogging life… Tea, cake, and lipstick. I wanted to embark on a new little adventure so that I could truly close the door on the past, but most importantly I wanted to stay true to myself…

All of my love…
LiveFoodLove, over and out.

Monday, 28 January 2013

52 weeks of positivity #4

Well here we are, onto the fourth week of my venture into optimism and happiness (I will get there, I will!) and I’m actually on time this week. It has to be a first, I’m rarely on time! Yet again this has been a little bit of a quiet week but there has been a lot going on – it’s been odd. Strange things have happened, things I won’t discuss in much detail here, and things have developed from a very odd situation but it’s bloody fantastic. Things happen for a reason, corners have been turned, and boy is it prettier on this side.

– 5 Happy Things –

·        1) On the Tuesday my Mother and I had a twaddle down Chapelford to have a look at some houses. We had a look in the 3bed Hadley to see what it was like but it felt really small and pokey and for an extra £20k you got an extra bedroom and far more space. It was exciting though, because we then went to the Chapelford Farm pub where I bumped into the lovely Sarah  - lovely to meet you darling.

·         2) Afterwards we took our adventure to the Trafford Centre to have a mooch around in some of the shops (well, Debenhams!) and go indulge in a little Yo!Sushi since we had a 40% off voucher. It was fabulous – I returned a dress I bought and I walked her around the makeup. I was going to take her to Blink bar in Selfridges to get her eyebrows threaded since she’d never had them done before but instead we bumped into a little stand in Debenhams and got them done there instead. It was only £13 and I did have a little giggle at Mum’s face as they worked their magic. “I thought you said it didn’t hurt?” Yo!Sushi was divine as per but thank goodness for the 40% off otherwise we would have spent so much more.

·         3) I graduated from my MSc on Friday which was lovely. It was so nice to see everyone again although the two glasses of vino before we graced the stage of Central Hall was probably not the best idea, I thought my heel was going to get stuck in the carpet. It’s a shame I couldn’t see my friends graduating the day after in the snow but given the circumstances it’s probably for the best. 

·         4) The day after my mother and I had a run over to Chapelford again and we have another look at the house – the Irving – that we’re wanting. It’s a four bedded beauty, and I love how open plan it feels. You can shut off the double doors from the lounge into the open plan kitchen/diner but it looks really nice all open. Mum had a chat to the financial advisor and we signed off the terms for the part-exchange. Exciting times. We’re moving house!

·        5)  Lastly, and this has taken up much of my week, I’ve found out a lot about myself, about the past year, about my relations with people, the relationship with myself. I’ve done a lot of exploring and a lot of talking and I feel like there’s been a huge weight lifted. I can finally see that silver lining. I’m in such an awkward place at the moment, I feel, but I’m so grateful for what has happened.

Tuesday, 22 January 2013

52 weeks of positivity #3

Yet again I appear to be a day late on the positivity front – I don’t even really have a good enough excuse I’m afraid, I gave blood yesterday. It was a complete failure though and I’m a little embarrassed. It was my seventh donation, my iron levels were perfect, I had a chat to the nurse about my Rocketdog boots (perfect for the snowy weather we’ve been having) and then everything was going fine until about 10 minutes after the needle went in. My buzzer was going off so I was getting excited thinking I’d done for one of the nurses to come over and say that my blood flow had completely stopped. I re-straightened my arm out and carried on squeezing my hand as I always do, but it wasn’t doing anything and I was going paler and paler. All I did was ask for a glass of water and suddenly I had the nurses around me, one wafting me with a piece of cardboard, one lowering the bed, and the other saying that they’re going to take the needle out because it wasn’t really ‘working’. Oh joy. I felt mortified because I’ve usually been quite good giving blood, but when I had a chat to the nurse after and she asked whether I’d been under any stress (I mentioned the break up, medication increase, my weight loss, financial circumstances etc) and she just looked at me and went “blimey – okay no wonder you went all faint”. I’ve not been able to eat very well so that contributed to it all somewhat. Silly me, I’ll know for next time.

Anyway, on with the point of this post.

5 Happy Things

* Since it was a rather quiet and uneventful week, I’m afraid that one of the most exciting things that happened was for me to have two shifts – Tuesday and Wednesday. I do actually like working and I love the team that I work with so it wasn’t too bad. Plus, I managed to get another customer compliment so I can take another bottle of perfume from the staff stash! Also - my glasses arrived! As I said, not much happened so this does make the list. Plus, they look quite nice.

* I got my hair cut at long last – it was needed a good chop and boy do I like it. My fringe has been chopped back in, my layers have been chopped back in and I’ve had a little bit of length off. It also finally looks better curly!

* I had a lovely little walk in the snow and took some pretty photos, some of which can be seen on my last post here - The beauty of letting go...

* I had a very long chat with Hannah, one of my Twitter pals, about the circumstances of my last relationship, my head, what was going on, what happened and everything. It was so fantastic to hear her input on everything and suddenly everything fell into place. This is a huge relief for me since I was constantly blaming myself, well guess what? This stops now! It also led to the realisation that I need to have a complete break from men, I need to love myself, I need to stop depending on others for my happiness, and I need to be an independent woman (thus far, I’m loving it). Also, I realised that I need to pen a very important e-mail, this is currently underway.

* Since the chat I’d been feeling very positive, full of energy, full of happiness (that’s always a good thing, right?) and on Saturday my mother and I went on an epic house hunt. We went to Liverpool, Widnes, and Chapelford. The verdict? Well, we’re still not sure! We fell in love with the Irvine which is on Chapelford but it is a four bed and as it’ll eventually just be my mother we were umming and ahhing whether it would be too big (but it always works for the future!) – plus whilst I’m still living at home I’ll be nabbing one of the bedrooms and the smallest will be my meditation room! I got a little excited about it (although it will also double up as a study). We also loved one on a Redrow site in Widnes. It was called the Warwick and was lovely but such a shame it was near Fiddlers Ferry!

That concludes my quiet but relatively positive week! I quite like this!

Sunday, 20 January 2013

The beauty of letting go...

The beautiful journey of today can only begin when we learn to let go of yesterday
– Steve Maratoli

It is so very easy to let something take over your life. As the wall start crumbling and the sky starts falling you find yourself losing control of everything – your thoughts, your actions. Before you know it, and certainly before you can stop it, everything you see is covered in a thick blanket of snow – protecting or disguising? Only you can decide, and this is something that must be done. Failure to do so – passing it onto another day – and you’re only kidding yourself. It consumes you and seeks to destroy you (and this I’m speaking from experience).

The thing is, we don’t know what’s round the corner and we certainly don’t know what’s going to happen in the future. Life is an unpredictable experience and is dying to be explored, but holding on to past woes and past events only holds the reigns and prevents you from delving into the true meaning of life. If you aren’t willing to adapt to the twists, turns, and crossroads that life throws at you then you’re going to be left confused and unfulfilled if you get led off the beaten track.

Think of the snow as your worries – the slight obstacle in the way of getting what you want, the ex that you just can’t let go of, a niggling thought that just won’t leave you alone after a friend’s innocent comment (think jellyfish effect!), or the boss that just doesn’t seem to ‘get you’. You? You’re the grass, the flowers, the ground hidden by this snow. The life that exists underneath this cover. As long as you continue to grasp onto these worries and let the cool wind blow, they will forever be there. Instead, let go – acknowledge their existence but don’t hold onto them. Let nature take its course and, before you know it, they may just melt away as quickly as they came.

Thursday, 17 January 2013

52 weeks of positivity #2

So, apparently time keeping isn't my forte at the moment since this was supposed to be up on Monday night. I do have a good reason - I was out and about with the mothership whilst taking my mind off what Monday was (or would have been). Oh how things change in a year. Then I had work Tuesday and Wednesday... Anyway.

5 happy things.

Going to see Les Mis with the beautiful Sarah. Oh. My. Goodness. I have been wanting to see Les Mis at the theatre for so long, unfortunately it has never been my Mum's cup of tea and subsequently I never did end up on the train to London to see this fantastic production. When I heard it was being made into a film I was so excited, and upon seeing the trailer (which sent shivers down my spine) I knew I had to see it. Thankfully Sarah also wanted to see it so we made a date to see it on the release date. Tissues at the ready (definitely needed!), a tub of Ben and Jerry's ice cream (Cookie Dough thank you), and tickets picked up we were ready to go. I won't spoil it for anyone who hasn't seen it but it was the most beautiful yet heartbreaking film I've seen in a long time. It pulled at the heart strings in every way imaginable; happiness, sadness, anger, empathy, heartbreak, pride... Over the years I've mastered the silent cry in the cinema until it all gets too much. Witnessed during a date to see War Horse with a boyfriend, and now Les Mis, a film can totally break me. Stifling sobs doesn't work so well when you're shaking so much... Even the people in front turned around to see who was sobbing! It did make me laugh mind. Anyway, go see it. It's wonderful!

The Buddha Walks Into A Bar arrived at last - I didn't realise it was coming from the USA so really it came in good time. I love this book, it makes me smile and helps me to reevaluate my life. It gives me something to move towards and helps me understand how to train my mind for meditation (something which I am yet to try).

Going to see Life of Pi. I've still not finished the book, in fact I'm only up to the second part - The Pacific. If you haven't seen or read it I won't spoil it for you but what a magical and thought provoking story this is. It made me laugh and cry - all of these feelings, empathy and sympathy, pride, love, pity, happiness and sadness.. It really was a rollercoaster ride.

The potential for an exciting new start in April.

Hitting 9 stone on the scales. I know it seems like a silly achievement- it's only weight after all - but since I've been at university, since I've had two full blown relationships, since I've indulged a little too much in food and drink, and since I've had the contraceptive implant, I've not been able to get below 9.5 stone so this is a huge achievement for me.


Monday, 7 January 2013

52 weeks of positivity #1

As part of my journey into 2013 – a journey into happiness and self-appreciation – I wanted to get into a little routine with my blog in that every week I would sit down and think about all of happiness I’d experienced that week and note a few of the main ones down. At the end of the year I would then have a full catalogue of happy events, 52 entries. How wonderful would that be? Anyway, if you hadn’t of guessed by now 2013 has been an entirely new slate for me. I’m back to being single (not a bad thing, I must be awful to be around!) but that means I can concentrate on me and my life, concentrate on making myself happy, and trying to figure out why I’m not. I’ll get there eventually.

Five happy things

1) This has to be number one, finally meeting the beautiful Sarah. I’ve been talking to this girl for what seems like forever and we get on really well, and then I finally met up with her and Cliff so we could go see The Hobbit and it was wonderful. I saw her again the other day and we all just chatted over coffee (and Krispy Kreme) and it’s like I’ve met my twin. Wonderful girly
2)Planning a wonderful European interrail adventure with one of my beautiful best friends. We haven’t got an itinerary set but the country list is looking something like this and I honestly can’t wait:

3) Starting to plan my year in Australia (2014). If I haven’t done my Advanced Open Water by the time I go I’m going to get in touch with some of Mum’s friends who live in Bali and see if I can do it with them and use Bali as my stop over on the way out, then go to Thailand on the way back for about 2-3 weeks. Australia is going to be life changing for me, I know this. It’s going to mean that I have to pull out all of the stops and try to get better in myself and I honestly can’t wait. I’m going to see the country, I’m then going to settle down somewhere and try to get some work to a) bring in some money and b) get some work experience.

4) Oddly, getting my eyes tested. I get headaches quite a lot and I know my right eye is a bit weaker than my left so when we had the opportunity to have a free eye test with work I jumped at the chance. As it so happens my right eye is quite a bit weaker but because my left eye is so good I hadn’t really noticed. I’ve got some glasses being made up for me – just for when I’m on the computer or reading. I think it’ll really help with my concentration too.

5) Losing my MAC virginity. I know it seems totally materialistic but I’ve wanted to try MAC cosmetics for so long now but I’ve never had the chance (or the money). The beautiful Sarah bought me a £14 giftcard for MAC so that I could finally get the red lipstick I’ve been lusting after. I went today and it was fantastic. I had a really good chat with Charlotte the MUA and we talked about how busy it had been over Christmas (I said I worked in Boots) and we had a play around with Russian Red and Viva Glam 1. I opted for Russian Red in the end as I thought it complimented my skin tone more. I also left with a sample of BB Cream and foundation which I am excited to try. Alongside this little trip to MAC I visited the Blink Bar too with my voucher that I got from the Selfridges Lucky Bag. I had my eyebrows threaded which was a pretty pleasant experience (although it hurt a little bit) and my eyebrows now look lovely, shapely, and groomed. Happiness all around.

Tuesday, 1 January 2013

2013: The year of discovery, love, and happiness?

"What we are today comes from our thoughts of yesterday, and our present thoughts build our life of tomorrow: Our life is the creation of our mind."
 - Buddha

As I was sipping my Disaronno and coke last night (the drink of the god's might I add), couples snuggling in the corner, friends laughing together, the hum of people singing coming from one of the other rooms in the pub, I found myself feeling a little alone. Grabbing my phone and having a quick mooch on Twitter I found myself coming face to face with a lovely quote by Brad Paisley which goes, “tomorrow is the first blank page of a 365 page book. Write a good one”. It really put a smile on my face and I started having a little think about 2012, my resolutions for that year (and whether I really kept them - easy answer, no I did not), and what I really need to change for this year. My year.

2012 really was a bit of a rollercoaster year. I was handling all sorts from relationships, friendships, money problems, family problems, stress, university problems, and my own health. I find that the end of a year and the start of another often brings with it a degree of uncertainty that can be ultimately terrifying. As I've said in earlier posts, I'm not exactly the best person coping with uncertainty so here's where I can turn around, say I'm going to try my best, and grasp life by the horns. 

I'm not going to sit here and twaddle on about how I'm going to do x, y, and z in the New Year because New Years Resolutions are made to be broken, aren't they? They always say that the first two weeks of January are the busiest in the gym and then afterwards the numbers start depleting. I also don't really agree with waiting until the New Year to make those vital changes. If something is so important to you you'll start doing it now, not in a few days/weeks/months time.

I've already stated in another post here (click to see it) that I need to make a few adjustments in my life. I appreciate that and whilst it has all been a little hectic these past few weeks for various reasons I feel like I've progressed somewhat. I've been out and about, I've been working, I've been laughing and smiling, I've stopped the tears, I'm happy with my body, and I know what I want to do. I've been looking forward and I'm going to keep on going. My journey is only just beginning.

I'm going to see the world. I'm 22 years old, I'm too young to get tied to one place. I need to pursue my dreams of saving the oceans and saving our coasts, but I need to work harder at making myself happy. Life is too short. So, it's with that that I make my only New Year's resolution, and that's to make 2013 the best year ever. The start of my new life. The year of discovery, love, and happiness.

(L-R) NYE outfit, mothership & I, Bethan & I, my mother's NYE outfit.